I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
