I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
