Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He? As in you personified your dick?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
