I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
