I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
high people should be assigned attendants
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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