smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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