Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
