I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
two words...techno handjob
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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