I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
