Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Two words: blizzard sex
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
