My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
