you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
