Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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