my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
