you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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