i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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