from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
