ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she smelled like a LAN party
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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