I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
