Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
