Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
