I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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