he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i will never coherently bang her
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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