Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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