I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
