I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
