you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
