I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
