Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
