i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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