so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
