i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize