I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm at about main and main street
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
