just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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