Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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