That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
