i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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