True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
