everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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