Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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