he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
