did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
