I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
