so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
