In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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