sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
