Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she woke up with a sticky ear
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
