pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
