I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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