...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
