Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
