Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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