With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
